Do You Have an Uncoachable Employee?

As a leader, managing employees is one of the toughest parts of the job. Whether you’re working with someone new or dealing with a seasoned employee who’s struggling, it can be stressful. But there’s a serious question you might be facing: Do you have an uncoachable employee?

Before you jump to that conclusion, it’s important to step back and think about the bigger picture. Sometimes, it’s not the employee that’s the problem—it could be your coaching approach. In fact, recognizing whether you’re being as effective as possible can make all the difference. Here’s how to tell whether the issue lies with you, the employee, or both.

Uncoachable Employee vs. Ineffective Coaching

If you’re having trouble connecting with a team member, take a moment to ask yourself: Am I labeling them as an uncoachable employee too soon? Sometimes, the real issue is that the coaching methods you’re using aren’t working. Are you just telling them what to do, or are you asking questions to understand what’s really going on?

To assess whether the issue is with your coaching approach, ask yourself:

Have I clearly communicated what’s expected, and have I asked if they understand?
Am I open to hearing their perspective on why they’re struggling rather than just offering solutions?
Have I checked in on what might be motivating them and how they feel about their current role or tasks?
Are they sharing feedback with me on how I can be more effective in supporting them?

By asking questions like these, you can better understand whether the problem lies with your coaching style or with the employee’s willingness to change.

Take a self-check. Coaching isn’t about controlling—it’s about creating an open, supportive environment where employees feel safe to share their challenges and goals. If you find that you’re struggling to adapt your coaching approach, that’s an opportunity to refine your methods, not give up on the person.

Good Coaching vs. Ineffective Coaching

You may be wondering how effective coaching looks in practice. Here’s a quick comparison of what good coaching versus ineffective coaching might look like.

Example of a Leader Who Provides Good Coaching:

Scenario: Emma is the manager of a marketing team and has been working closely with her team to help them grow in their roles. Recently, she noticed that one of her team members, Tom, has been struggling with time management. In their one-on-one meeting, Emma asks Tom about his current workload and listens carefully to his explanation of what’s been challenging for him. After understanding the situation, Emma provides specific, actionable feedback, suggesting that he break his tasks into smaller, manageable steps and use time-blocking techniques. She also offers to help him set up a tracking system for the next few weeks to ensure he stays on target.

Throughout the process, Emma regularly checks in with Tom to see how he’s progressing, adjusting her coaching based on what’s working and what’s not. She provides consistent feedback, praise when Tom improves, and constructive advice when things aren’t going as planned. Emma encourages open communication and remains patient as Tom works to implement the new strategies.

What makes Emma a good coach: Emma takes the time to understand the challenges her employee is facing, listens actively, and offers personalized, practical guidance. She provides continuous support, fosters open dialogue, and helps her team member set up systems for success, creating an environment where improvement is both possible and encouraged.

Example of a Leader Who Provides Ineffective Coaching:

Scenario: Mark is the head of a sales team and has noticed that one of his employees, Sarah, has been missing her targets consistently. During their one-on-one, Mark tells Sarah, “You need to sell more. You’re not hitting your numbers, and that’s a problem.” He doesn’t ask Sarah about any challenges she may be facing or offer any support in finding solutions. Instead, Mark reiterates the same feedback each time, expecting Sarah to figure out how to fix the issue on her own.

When Sarah asks for advice on improving her sales techniques, Mark says, “Just be more confident and close the deal. It’s not that hard.” He doesn’t take the time to help Sarah develop specific skills or provide resources, and he rarely checks in to follow up on her progress. Mark’s feedback lacks clarity and is vague, leaving Sarah feeling frustrated and unsupported.

What makes Mark’s coaching ineffective: Mark doesn’t take the time to understand the root cause of Sarah’s struggles or offer personalized feedback. He provides vague advice without practical steps for improvement and doesn’t create an ongoing dialogue or support system. His coaching is more about criticism than development, leading to frustration and a lack of progress.

Key Differences:

Good coaching: The leader is empathetic, listens actively, and provides clear, actionable feedback. They offer support and check in regularly to track progress and adjust as needed.
Ineffective coaching: The leader offers vague feedback without understanding the specific challenges. There’s little to no follow-up or support, and they don’t provide practical tools for improvement.

Understanding What Motivates Your Employee

Another thing to consider is that your employee may be motivated by different factors than you expect. Not everyone is driven by the same goals, and that’s perfectly okay. To guide and motivate an employee successfully, it’s crucial to understand what drives them—whether it’s their personal or professional goals or the values and interests that matter most to them.

People perform better when they see how their work aligns with their passions and aspirations. By understanding what motivates your employee—whether it’s career growth, recognition, personal development, or a sense of purpose—you can tailor your coaching approach to connect with them in a more meaningful way.

For example:

If an employee is motivated by learning new skills, you might emphasize opportunities for training and development.
If they value autonomy, you could give them more decision-making responsibility.
If they’re driven by a sense of purpose, help them see how their role contributes to the company’s bigger picture.

By knowing what they care about, you can provide feedback, guidance, and opportunities that resonate with their motivations, leading to stronger engagement and a more productive coaching relationship.

If you haven’t yet had those conversations, now’s the time. Ask yourself: What motivates them? Are they seeking autonomy, learning opportunities, or a sense of purpose in their work? Taking the time to understand what drives them can completely shift your coaching approach and how they respond to feedback.

Taking Action Early On

The key to effective coaching is building trust and understanding, and this takes time. Start by focusing on building a stronger relationship with your employee. Ask more questions about their experiences and perspectives—not just about the tasks at hand.

When you ask about their experiences, you’re learning more about how their past roles, challenges, and successes may influence their approach to their work. For example, “Can you tell me about how you’ve handled similar situations in past roles?” or “How did you overcome challenges like this before?”

Asking about their perspectives helps you understand how they view their current work and environment. For instance, “How do you feel about the direction of this project?” or “What’s been the most challenging part of your role lately?”

By diving deeper into these areas, you can uncover valuable insights about what’s driving them or where they might need support—leading to more tailored coaching and a stronger, more effective relationship.

One way to guide these conversations is by using a clear feedback framework, like the Situation-Behavior-Impact model. This allows you to address specific actions and their impact while keeping the conversation productive and focused on growth. For example, “In this situation, your approach to the task was [behavior], which had the impact of [consequence]. How do you feel about that outcome?”

Don’t just talk about the work—make sure you’re engaging with them on a personal level (while maintaining professional boundaries). Get to know how they feel about their role and the company culture. This helps you understand what may be motivating them or where there’s room for improvement.

Remember, coaching should be a two-way conversation. Make sure both sides feel heard and valued. Trust doesn’t come overnight, but you have to make time for one-on-one check-ins and genuinely listen to your employees in order to create opportunities for growth, alignment, and better overall performance.

When You Might Have an Uncoachable Employee

So, how do you know if someone is struggling to embrace coaching? It might be when they’re not responding to feedback or seem hesitant to make changes, despite ongoing support. Just like you can’t help someone run a marathon if they’re not ready to run, an employee who repeatedly resists feedback or focuses more on being “right” than improving might be facing challenges in adopting a growth mindset. In such cases, it could be time to reassess the coaching approach and determine the next steps.

Here are some signs that you might have an uncoachable employee:

They seem dismissive of feedback or have difficulty accepting it.
They focus more on being “right” than addressing the underlying issues.
They tend to blame others or become defensive when faced with challenges.

These behaviors may stem from deeper concerns like fear of failure or a lack of confidence. However, if you’ve consistently provided support and there’s no progress, it might be time to reassess the situation and consider what steps to take next with this uncoachable employee.

Example of The Uncoachable Employee

Scenario: Sarah has been working on the team for over a year. Despite receiving regular feedback on her performance, she continues to struggle with meeting deadlines. In a recent one-on-one, you provided clear examples of where her delays have impacted the team’s workflow. Instead of acknowledging the concern, she immediately becomes defensive, saying that the deadlines were unrealistic and that others on the team aren’t pulling their weight either. She dismisses the feedback, saying, “I don’t see the problem, I’m just doing my job.”

What’s happening: Sarah’s defensive response and refusal to accept feedback suggest a lack of willingness to make improvements. She focuses on defending her actions rather than considering ways to address the feedback and grow. Despite your consistent efforts to guide her, she is not responding with a growth mindset, which is key to coaching. This indicates that Sarah may be struggling with a deeper fear of failure or a lack of self-awareness, making her less likely to be open to change.

Example of The Coachable Employee

Scenario: John, a newer team member, has been working with you for six months. During your regular one-on-one meetings, you’ve provided feedback on how he can improve communication with clients. Instead of becoming defensive, John listens carefully to the examples you provide and expresses genuine interest in improving. After a few sessions, he asks for clarification on specific areas where he can improve and asks for additional resources or training. Over time, you notice that he is actively implementing the feedback and even asking for more frequent check-ins to ensure he’s on track.

What’s happening: John demonstrates a growth mindset by taking ownership of his development. He’s open to feedback, seeks clarity on how to improve, and takes proactive steps to apply the feedback. He values personal growth and is committed to improving in his role. This shows that John is coachable, as he’s willing to listen, learn, and adapt based on the guidance he receives.

These examples highlight the key differences: an uncoachable employee resists feedback, deflects responsibility, and lacks a willingness to change, while a coachable employee is receptive to feedback, seeks ways to improve, and actively works toward growth. By reflecting on these scenarios, you can better assess whether you’re dealing with someone who is open to coaching or someone who may require a different approach.

Moving Forward: Accountability is Key

If you’re dealing with an uncoachable employee who’s simply not responding to coaching, it’s important to take action rather than letting the situation drag on. Continued lack of progress, despite consistent feedback, can lead to frustration and impact team morale. Document the situation carefully, noting specific instances of feedback provided, and involve HR if necessary to ensure that you’re following appropriate steps for the situation.

As a leader, it’s your responsibility to both your team and your business to ensure everyone is growing and contributing. Keep improving your own coaching skills, and be open to receiving feedback about how you can support your employees better. However, it’s also essential to recognize that coaching is a shared responsibility. You can’t do all the heavy lifting for them—the employee has to be willing to meet you halfway and show a genuine commitment to improvement.

Coaching is a two-way street. When both parties are actively invested in the process—engaging in honest conversations, adapting to each other’s needs, and committing to growth—success becomes much more achievable. If one side isn’t willing to put in the effort, it may be time to reassess the future of that uncoachable employee.

Connect Coaching Program

At Connect Assistant Resource, we coach support professionals—whether they’re building a new relationship with an executive or looking to grow in their role. To serve our clients effectively, we’ve developed criteria to identify early signs of challenges, like resistance to feedback, and inform clients of any potential red or yellow flags. Monitoring these signs allows us to tailor our coaching to better support each assistant.

By addressing challenges early, we ensure both the assistant and executive are set up for success. Interested in learning more about our coaching program? Contact us—we’d love to help you create a stronger partnership.